“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33 (NLT)

My wife and my sister had just come back from an evening with their Female fiends watching a movie and were talking about how “done” they are with politically correct stuff that harms people, especially those things that degrade Fatherhood and Men in general.

Did you notice who was having that conversation!? My wife and my sister.

When my kids were young and I was working from home, I tried to be available to my children as much as possible. My son drew a lot, played on the makeshift arrangement of old computer equipment I set up, pretending he was an airplane pilot. He had a large metal dump truck and put his younger sister in the back and pushed her all around the house. Both of my kids sat on my knee bouncing or playing nearby with toys as often as possible. When they really need my attention, I pull the mattress off the big futon and wrestle with them on the floor. The mattress gave a little more bounce than the floor itself, which made it more fun. My son loved wrestling, “horseback” rides, and pretending to be an acrobat. It doesn’t take long for my daughter to join in. She was more adventurous than him as time went on.

When I was gone for most of a day the first thing I do when arriving home, is hug and kiss my wife and kids, telling them how much I loved them (I still do as often as possible!). I played with the kids for one or more hours every day. I was there to change diapers, get them bathed, read them bed-time stories, make up new bedtime stories, pray with them and tuck them into bed.

I can’t help wondering what the world would be like if more fathers spent such quality time with their children? I know that some just aren’t able, for whatever reason, but I still wonder. What if?

How many of us need to get off our screens, and get our kids off them?

Does Father God give us devises to distract and occupy us, or do we do that to ourselves? Whose plan do you think it is to distract us, God or the other guy?*

Then my thoughts move on to a similar subject, what if we as children spent this kind of quality time with our Heavenly Father? What would our lives and the world be like?

Before we had children my wife and I spent seven years of our lives getting to know each other, building the best possible, loving and respectful relationship we could. It was intentional. We wanted our children to have parental examples of what a real Man and Woman of God should be like. We wanted them to see their two parents in a loving, committed relationship. We made a decision to tell our kids what we were struggling with (age appropriate of course), because it is our job as parents to raise healthy Adults. Our having children was a direct expression of our love and commitment to each other, and our God. We wanted to model how God, in the Bible, models training up His children into healthy people.

Years ago my sister, Jen and I went to a comedy event to minister with one of the three featured comedians. What stood out to me about their routines was the fact that they were performed by men. Comedy offers one last little corner of society where being a man is okay, where expressing yourself as the man you are—is fine and anyone who doesn’t like it doesn’t have to laugh. Although even that has suffered from political correctness and cancel culture for those in comedy who want to make it big (one of my spiritual sons is clean comedian who mostly does Christian events, so I do know something about this subject. Here is Calvin's YouTube. Now that I've mention it, you should hire Calvin Jackson for your next event).

So much about being a man has been under attack for far too long, and it is men who need to stand up and "BE MEN" by taking pride in who they are as men. And it is incredibly important for WOMEN to stand up for men. There is a need for solid examples of “Maleness” that are lifted as good examples (and men invading women-only sports and spaces is absolutely wrong and evil).

Manly things are downplayed or chastised in the western world. Fatherhood is a good example. Most media depictions of fathers are not flattering. Men are frequently depicted as womanizing, cheating, wife-beating, daughter-raping dopes and dead-beat, distant, unloving bastards, while women "have it together" (or are getting strong enough to do it), without a Man in their lives—or despite one. Fathers are depicted as idiots, manly things depicted as stupid.

I'm tired of going to a "funny" movie and seeing the predictable "man gets hit in the crotch" scene. When was the last time a Man laughed at that? I haven’t since I was eight years old.

Don’t get me started on Super Bowl and World Cup commercials.

There was a time when it was normal for Men to do "Manly" things together? Previous generations knew that men needed to do things without women being around doing things that they could do together without being typecast as macho homosexuals, and not being scorned for the doing anything traditionally macho. Men relate to each other and to the world in ways that really are different than how they relate to Women, or how Women relate to each other. It is absolutely the plan of the evil one to diminish manliness and the image of males in society. Do you know why? Because the evil one and his anti-God kingdom hate and seek to destroy anyone and everything made in the image of the God he hates, starting with males.

Being a males follower of Jesus who has been on thousands of Christian stages and who has researched the deconstruction of male identity in the West, I can say this with some expertise: Christian denominations began being stripped of their Manhood during World War I. The job was done after World War II, when women took over many of the important aspects the church (while the men were away at war). Yes, there were issues that needed to be addressed, but changing how Church was done was very intentional. I'm not the only one to point it out.

There was a time when Christian Men went away for long weekends with other men (and their sons), to talk about God while playing in the wilderness; when Men spent time in the pubs and bars (God forbid!), cafeteria, corner drug store, and barbershops encouraging each other. This is no longer the norm.

After the WWII those same men came home to a new world castrated of Manly interaction. For example, they found their church communities dominated by committees, sedentary seated Sunday school classes and bake sales. The same thing happened in public schools at the same time. To be honest, bake sales and fundraisers were needed things that had been overlooked, which were needed for a good purpose: to raise money during the War, to buy food for the poorer members. However, upon returning home men found they just didn’t fit in anymore. When they came home from WWI, men weren’t allowed to drink. This became a national law in the USA known as Prohibition. Most people don’t know church history and that before WWI a Christian dinking was not a “Christian crime.” Prohibition began as a church movement by some strong women with a good motive. Unfortunately, they didn’t realize that in trying to “Save” their men, they were turning them and future generations “off” to being involved in churches. As a matter of fact, it became Church Policy that “Christians Don’t Drink,” at least in North America. Did you know that communion with grape juice began as an advertising campaign within the Presbyterian Church as a way for Mr. Welch to promote his shelf-stable grape juice? Before Mr. Welch, all churches used wine for communion for 1900 years. But, not it is a cardinal sin and doctrine that communion must be done with grape juice and anyone who drinks is a sinner. American Christianity changed it's theology for branding the new grape juice industry. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Research it. I have, and I've written. When was the last time you heard a sermon quoting the positive Bible verses about wine and strong drink and how God commanded it as part of your worship of Him?

This began the long dark slide in North American “Christian” culture where everyone smiles and pretends nothing is wrong. This in turn leads to personal and family meltdowns and explosions, because believers are no longer allowed to be their genuine emotional selves with each other.

But I digress.

For men, most of their “manly” activities were discouraged, frowned upon, and replaced by sitting in class listening to a talking head give "Sunday school lessons," and seated sermons. The Minister stopped going barhopping and weekending with his congregants, in favor of showing up only for hospital visits, home-care and bake sales, because "no respectable minister' should be found doing the very things Jesus himself did--laughing and drinking with sinners! It stopped being popular for ministers to hang out with sinners and tax collectors. Instead, a new cultural expression was born where instead of going to the sinners; Christians had to invite the sinners to Church.

Thus the “seeker sensitive” movement was invented, by the 1980's it came into it's full expression with the Willow Creek Movement, and what a can of worms that one is (if you don't know, look it up). How’s this for a little perspective on that issue? You set up your church services, so they are “sensitive” to the perceived needs and values of non-believers. Which by inference means that you are neglecting growing up and strengthening believers in the Lord; now you’re alienating not just your men, but now your more grounded believers who can open a Bible and plainly see that “CHURCH” is “the Body of Christ,” meaning, made up of believers in Jesus? Now you have your focus on the so-called “un-churched,” what happens next?

You start bringing wolf-cubs into the building to hang out with your stunted and immature sheep. These wolves are just little cubs, not full-grown wolves. You pour all your church-body energy into teaching the wolf-cubs everything they need to know about how to fit into your polite church culture. The wolf-cubs learn your catch phrases, your ways of talking and believing, concepts they need to know to fit in and be active and "accepted members" of your church community. Eventually, the actual sheep look around and wonder what is wrong with your church and leave, while you who invited in the wolf-cubs didn't realize: Oops, we have full-grown wolves in our church and don’t know where they came from, how they got in, or worse--you don't even realize the wolves are not even Christians--but they sure know Christian culture!

How many pedophiles and sexual predators do you think are in "the Church" today, because solid Bible training of the Body of Messiah has been abandoned? Judging by the weekly deluge of scandals, I'd say there are probably thousands.

Maybe you don’t even realize there are wolves in your midst, because your understanding of church is now so foreign to that of the Bible?

Brings new meaning to Jesus’ words of warning about wolves in sheep’s clothing, doesn’t it? (Matthew 7:15-16) They were invited in!

I guess I am not the only one who has noticed these things, considering the growing popularity of so-called, Cowboy Churches, house churches, and various gatherings in the back rooms of businesses have been springing up like weeds over the past 30 years. Maybe, solid Bible believing lovers of God have been led of the Holy Spirit out of traditional church settings and into settings where real “church” happens?

I don’t know about you, but I like the Bible. I don’t live up to its standards as much as I desire to in my heart, but I guess I am not alone. My kinsman, the Apostle Paul spoke of a similar dilemma in Romans chapter 7, "but even when I fail"—and believe me I do fail badly in so many ways—at least I know where to turn for the help I need. Let’s face it, as men it is hard to face those we love when we fail. How much harder for men to face their God if everything about their church and culture disrespects them, and they don't respect their own identities as Men?

Most men (and women) today can't approach Father God like little excited children, because our concept of a father has been so terribly abused and tarnished, we only think of a father as an evil angry tyrant.

Maybe we need to show some respectful humble grace to our men, even when they don’t deserve it. How do we build up men?

How do we see God the Father as who He really is?

Love. Welcoming. Light. Respectful and Respectable. Forgiving. Accepting.

It would go a long way. Let’s start encouraging our men in the Lord, shall we?

What is keeping you from approaching the Throne of Grace Boldly?

*I want to encourage everyone to buy this book written by my former Greek Professor, David A. Black, "The Myth of Adolescence: Raising Responsible Children in an Irresponsible Society"

https://a.co/d/8ZB1Ec0

Here is the description:

You will either love this book, or you will hate it. There is no middle ground. Dr. David Alan Black shatters the most common theories which have shaped our nation and our world for over one hundred years. His premise is quite simple: Adolescence is a social theory and it is seriously flawed. Dr. Black says the concept of adolescence is relatively new, only about one hundred years old. Prior to that, a young person was considered to be an adult by the age of thirteen.

Further, Dr. Black says that the Bible has nothing to say about adolescence. That's because adolescence is foreign to the Bible. The Bible only speaks about responsibility, Dr. Black says. When you take responsibility away from a young person and put that young person into a "twilight zone" between childhood and adulthood, grave consequences will result. The biblical pattern, Dr. Black says, is for responsibility to begin at the age of thirteen, or earlier (at the age of twelve) if the young person can handle it.

This compact volume opens the door to all sorts of discussions. At what age should a young person be employed? At what age should a young person marry? Should a young couple marry at thirteen or fourteen and live with one set of in-laws until the couple can move out on their own? And what if a young person commits a serious crime at the age of fourteen or fifteen? Should he or she face adult penalties for adult crimes, even the death penalty?

The Myth of Adolescence is just a beginning, a starting place of what will be a new frontier for many people. But in reality, it's an old frontier, tried and proven over many centuries. It merely awaits discovery anew within these pages.

More: You also may find his articles on American Church history and other topics quite informative: https://daveblackonline.com/columns.htm

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3

I was at a Father-Daughter dinner a few years ago. It was a church where I’ve spoken several times, so I was comfortable with the people and the setting. It was supposed to have been a formal event and was billed as a Father Daughter Ball.

I thought it would be interesting to attend, and thought about the potential of such a father-daughter event. This was a congregation that was known for its alternative Halloween nights for kids, and sponsorship of some alternative church plants. My first thought was that this could have potential. If nothing else, I’d get in a little bonding time with my nieces whose own father is unable to be present for them.

The evening began with a sermon. Fathers and Daughters sat for over an hour listening to two people speak. I was so bored listening to the terribly inappropriate and off-subject teaching I opened up my PDA and surfed the web after the first ten minutes. Little did I know that was just the beginning!

After the sermon it was time for volunteers to play a version of “Family Feud.” The speaker called for, “Four very smart girls and four sort-of smart Dads.” There were a few chuckles, but I think the humor has worn off for most of us men. We knew what was coming, and it wouldn’t edify men. This was supposed to have been a gathering of Fathers showing that they were there for their daughters. This should have been an important bonding moment, a time of ministry, encouragement and healing between these young women and their dads. Instead, the Fatherhood of those men was demeaned and devalued.

After the game of making Fatherhood and Fathers look like bone-headed idiots, demeaning us and our God-given role as head of our homes, the speaker actually had the audacity to get up and do something he should have done during the sermon: he exhorted the fathers to be good Fathers.

Talk about leading by example (sarcasm intended).

I think those Men did a great job of being Fathers by showing up with their Daughters in the first place. The other 300 fathers who go to that church didn’t bother. Talk about missing an opportunity to honor those Men.

I wish I could say that this kind of thing was the exception to the rule, but having spent time in several thousand churches over the last 20 years I can honestly say that most of modern church culture doesn’t know how to relate Biblically to its men. According to God we have all the responsibility as the head of our homes; but according to the world we have little of the respect.

Our church culture reflects the values of the world more than those in the Word of God.

If you can’t say amen to that, can you at least say “ouch”?